Choice is yours

“Are you gone mad? Have you lost your mind?” Christian shouted on call. “You have your responsibilities. You have wife, mom, dad, Mansi & Manvi in your life. You just can’t run away from these many people and from there responsibilities. Are you getting me Vikram?” Christian completed.

Mansi & Manvi are Vikram’s twin daughters and they are now nine years old.

“I am very much in my senses and I know what I am going to do.” Vikram said. “I have lived enough for them so far but now, I wanted to live my life. I wanted to live for myself and for my happiness.”

“You wanted to live for yourself and for your own happiness?” Christian said & scoff. “Dude you should have thought about all this before you have given birth to all these responsibilities.”

“I know and even I did so, but at that point of time getting married was right option and undoubtedly Shilpa is gorgeous, capable in every aspect and a perfect woman. When I saw her, the inner male in me dominated the gay in me.”

“You know Vikram, your fight with yourself have brought everybody in trouble. You wanted to sail in two boats, which is practically not possible.”

“Christian, I need you at this point of life, I really need you. I want you in my life back and for you only I have filled divorce with Shilpa. I have disclosed about myself to my family.”

“Stop it Vikram, whatever you have done is not for me it is for your own sake and for your own sex desires. You know yourself how hungry you are for sex. Every human knows about its sex appetite and so you too. Don’t put it on my head.”

“But you only gave me option either I choose you or Shilpa.”

“Vikram! I gave you that option eight months back. I was expecting your response to it within a month. If you remember I have already gave you timeline when I was expecting your response.”

“Yeah I know I took long to respond you…”

“Long? Very long.” Christian said, “and I just can’t wait for lifetime for you.”

“But it was your mistake, and because of which I was not able to take decision. I always wanted you in my life. I love you.”

“Did you just say that it was my mistake? What was my mistake? Where I lagged Vikram?”

“Do you remember I came to your home and waited outside the door for half hour and you did not opened the door.”

“Oh! Just shut up. That day you were not there out-side my home. I was in my room, suffering from fever and Rohit was there with me. Rohit open the door twice to check whose there outside when you called me but you were not there. Stop lying.”

“I was there that day….” Vikram said.

“Shut up!” Christian shouted stopping Vikram in between.

“Christian, can you please forgive me for that day?”

“Forgiven... but I will never forget what you have done to me on the next day. Do you remember Vikram, what you did to me on its next day?”

“Yeah, I remember, I fought with you and left you...”

“Ah! Ah! It was not that simple as you have quoted. Let me remind you know. You came to my house after office, it was 5th May. You were in white shirt and coffee brown trouser with your executive bag. We were sitting on sofa in living room and you asked me where I was yesterday. I told you that I was at home and even I told you Rohit was also there with me as I was suffering from fever. He was here to look after for me. Even on that day, also I was not completely well. But you did not trust me and broke up with me. You left me crying there without caring about the fact that I am not well, we have spent lots of passionate moments and without caring about all the time we have spent together in past 6 months, you simply took your bag and headed to bus stop and from there you boarded the bus and never turned back. You left me shattered that day. I was waiting for you whole night at that bus stop. You know Vikram, I was not even wearing footwear when I ran to stop you. I did not eat anything that night and I was suffering from fever.” Christian said with weeping throat and wipe his eyes. “Next morning Rohit and Jay came searching for me, and they find me at bus stop. They took me home. They console me and made me understand what has happened was nightmare and forget about it. They bring me to eat and then they stayed with me for next four days leaving their jobs.”

“I am really sorry Christian. I am really guilty for what I have done….”

“And you know then on sixth day you re-appeared in my life. Apologize and wanted to come back in my life but till that day my feeling for was all dead. And therefore, I gave you option either you choose me or Shilpa, where choice is yours.” Christian said stopping Vikram halfway without caring about what he was trying to explian. “But now, you do not have that option as well. We can be friends but I can’t go in relationship with you rather I can’t even think about it.”

“But I have filled divorce and disclosed to my family for you. I need you Christian.”

“Vikram, pull off your mask and look at your real face. You already have responsibility. Moreover, now I don’t want you in my life. I got my partner and please don’t call me ever again.” Christian said & disconnected the call.

 

Escape

“Why are you worrying? We have left Lucknow and now we are way far from their reach.” Kaushik said “and I am there with you baccha and I promise I will never leave you” he completed holding at my tensed face in his hands and looking deep into my eyes.

“I am afraid of my dad, because he is very resentful man and can do anything using his money and power.” Sooraj replied.

“Don’t think about what all has happened it’s over and now we are going to start our new life together, far from everybody and in new city with new people.”

“But I don’t think what we have done is licit.” Sooraj said “though I have left a letter for my dad, not to search me but I am sure he will. And I am worrying about post consequences.”

“What did you wrote in that letter?”

“I am going far away from you and from all your belongings. I love Kaushik, who I feel is right person for me and also I know you are not going to accept us. And without him I can’t live. I don’t know where we are going to hail but I request you dad please let me live with him. I love you and mom very much and I know dad I am not your ‘acha wala bacha’. Choosing a guy over a girl is not my mistake but this how I am born. I shall have regret throughout my life that I couldn’t even hug you for last time. Hope you will forgive and forget me. I have left all your money in bank account, cards and the gold chain you gifted me, at my study table. I only took 17,350 which I have saved from my pocket money. Kaushik also left his home for me as we both love each other very much and cannot live without each other. He will be with me to take care of mine. You have god promise dad that you will not try to reach Kaushik’s family and don’t put them in trouble. They are not as rich as we are but they are very nice people. And his parents loves me as equally as Kaushik.”

“It’s okay bacha hope everything will be fine.” Kaushik said “I am just worrying about my parents. Hope your dad will not do anything with them.”

“Don’t worry I gave him god promise and he will not do anything with them.”

Kaushik and I were talking to each other while we were sitting at back side of truck, which was heading to Delhi. We have had plans to move to Mumbai from Delhi. It was bone chilling cold. We were not with much bed-spread. I put one bed sheet on floor of truck and we were sitting on it. I was sitting in a way that Kaushik’s thighs embraced me from two sides and my head was on his chest, his arms was embracing me whole night and we took another bed sheet on us. He was sitting in the same position for whole night and around at 7 A.M. we reached Delhi. This was the most memorable night throughout my life.

Kaushik was not very handsome guy but yes he was the most valued person for me. He does not have beautiful face but he has beautiful heart. He does not have huge wealth as my dad has but he has lots of love and care to give me.

From there we left for Mumbai. I don’t know what would be our future but I am sure we will be happy with each other.


"Hi Readers! please add your comments/feedback, this will inspire me for writing more and more."

Chemistry Lab

“Listen! I have seen you staring me many a times. Do you have any problem with me?” Siddhant asked me in college toilet.

It’s a college toilet which is at the extreme end of basement floor where hardly anyone goes. But who all goes for physics lab or at library goes there only.

“Are you gone sick?” I said with fake anger and trying to defend myself from all the allegations.

“Yes I have seen you many a times even my friends told me about this.” He said more firmly.

“Yes, do you have any problem?” I accepted all the charges because there was no escape. “This means that you also stare at me right?” I put a cross question.

“Yes” he said without hesitating.

“But why?”

“I feel you a right person for me and my life.” He said with all his valor and he was at his knee in the next moment “Will you marry me?” he proposed me. Place was not at all appropriate but he did.

I wanted to say yes but I was doubtful about his act. And to avoid that situation and to come out from that toilet I said “it’s not the right place and time to answer your question. And I cannot take any decision within a minute give me 15 days to think and answer you.”

“No, I cannot give you 15 days it’s too long” he said firmly but I can sense fear and persistence in his voice.

“Then how many days?”

 “Two days only. That is on Monday.” He said more persistently.

“Okay” I said and left from there.

Siddhant was my senior; he was in B. Sc. Third year. And I was in 1^st year. Its mid-November, post Diwali period when very less students come to college. And who all come mostly they were at canteen or at library for time pass or writing their journals or just to meet each other. I and my friend Atul stay close to college but in opposite direction and so college was central location for us to meet and discuss things. And similar was Siddhant’s situation but he stays close to my house.

I was taking classes at home on Sunday evening and my cell rang. An unknown number but I picked up the call.

“Hello”

“Siddhant here, don’t get so busy in taking classes that you forget to answer my question tomorrow.” He said.

“How you know that I am taking classes?” I asked him curiously.

“Don’t think about that. Think about your decision.” He said. He sounds like he was trying to warn me.

Its 7 AM in morning and I was at chemistry lab and I saw him. There were two chemistry labs in college which were internally linked to each other. And we both have experiment in those labs on every Monday to Wednesday from 7 AM to 10:50 AM. For the first time I saw him in this lab only and from here I started noticing him whenever and wherever I can. But today because of fear I did not went into another lab which I always used to go there every time we come here for practical but today I was avoiding. Siddhant appeared suddenly in front of me and looked at me.

“How are you?” he asked

“I am good and you?” I replied in low voice with fear.

“Good.” He said “just came here to see you.” and he disappeared in another lab.

I wanted to run out of that lab but I was not able to do that. We finally met at college parking as decided. Quit a less people compared to other days. I don’t want to meet him but I met. I was scared that if a guy can take out my cell number and knows about my daily activity, can do anything and so I thought it’s better to meet him here and end up everything. I went close to him. He was happy and blushing like a kid who got lots of toys of his choice. He was in black half sleeve shirt and light brown color pant, very up to date.

“I am sorry to say I cannot accept your proposal.” I said without looking at him.

His blissful face turned down and tears rolled out from his eyes. He wanted to cry as loudly as he can but he controlled himself and asked me why?

“Because you was spying me.” I said “and a guy who started spying me when nothing is there what he will do in future. There are chances that you might ruin my life.”

“I did not infiltrate you and never I am going to do that.” He whine .

“Then how you got my number and how you know that I was taking class yesterday when you called me.”

“I got your number from your article which was published in college magazine it was really nice and I love your writing skills. And you were telling your friend that Sunday evening it is not possible for you to come out from home as you will be taking tuition classes. Then only I got to know about you. I really admire you that you have sense of responsibility towards your duty.” He said. “So did I plant you?”

“Oh! So you are following me so intensely!!” I said.

“Yes” he said “Will you marry me Mayank?” he put his proposal again in front of me.

“Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!” I said with full energy and he hugged me.

For a moment we forget that we are in college parking, and we liked to be in each other’s arm as long as we can. It was our first touch to each other. The feeling was so heavenly and incredible. We don’t want to leave each other. But still I shoved him and said “we are at college.”

“Oh yeah I am sorry”

 “It’s okay” I said and I was able to see his blissful face again. And the love happened. 

Vrishna

“In the light of all the evidences and witnesses, court has come to the conclusion that charges against Rohan Khanna could not be proved and hence he is relieved of all the charges against him.” Justice Tiwari said “Now the court redirecting the matter to investigating officer to further reinvestigate and produce all the evidences against the offender.”

“No!! It’s an incorrect verdict I know Rohan has killed Varun.” Krishna yelled in the court and tried to ran towards judge but cops and his dad hold him back and took him out from court.

“It’s an incorrect verdict I know Rohan has killed Varun” Krishna repeated in loud cry, when his dad was dragging him out from the court.

“Everything was over son; his advocate has proved him innocent.” Krishna's dad tried to console him.

“But I know everything dad” Krishna said “Rohan always used to threaten us for one or the other reason. Even he challenged me that he will take Varun away from me. And he did it. He ruined my life.”

Krishna and Rohan was class mate in 3^rd year since 1^st year of engineering and in 2^nd year Varun took admission and came in to the same class. From the first day Varun started liking Krishna whereas Krishna does not have such feeling initially but changed in third year. On the other side Rohan likes Varun; it was mere attraction of Rohan towards Varun just to sleep with him. On the last day of fourth semester Varun proposed Krishna, which was already an accepted proposal from Krishna’s end.       

                 Within few days of this acceptance Rohan came to know about his defeat in the race of snatching Varun from Krishna. But he never gave up and called them at their common meeting point and warned Krishna to leave Varun else his decision can make him to pay huge penalty. Varun tried to explain him that love is always two ways and you cannot force someone to love you. Focus on your carrier and leave us for each other as we love each other. But Rohan avoided his words and warned him again.

                After few days Varun was found dead in his hostel room with foam coming out from his mouth with no other signs on body except a cigarette filter which Rohan smoke, a shirt button in Varun’s fist, a shoe mark near the door step. Which were not enough proof as per court to prove that Rohan guilty. Whereas the autopsy confirms that it’s a mere case of food poisoning.

Did I really steal her guy?

“Bastard! You ass hole you stolen the guy whom I was dating” She started yelling without telling me any reason, when I was talking to Srinath at my office canteen. All the people at canteen were looking at me. And Srinath and I both was very confused that why she is yelling and abusing me.

“What happen Priya?” I asked her calmly.

“Don’t act innocent as if you don’t know the reason.”

“Why would I ask you if I would aware of reason?”

“Okay, tell me what you are doing with Srinath now, when you know that I am dating him.”

“He is good friend of mine, and we are here for some discussion.”

“Oh! Is it?” she looked at me cunningly. “Then what about yesterday evening?”

“He wanted to buy some cloths and so we went out.” I said “how you know that we were together last evening? This means that you are keeping eye on us. You know for this I can throw you behind the bars. Better stop bothering me or Srinath and leave from here.” I completed with anger in mid tone.

With my last words she left the canteen, blocked us on facebook and on whatsup, ended up every contact with me and him. And for any single thing Priya and I started going via email or thru our colleagues as we were in same team.

Srinath was a guy working in my office but in different deal and at different floor. The day I saw him I started following him and always try to grab every chance to look at him. He stands 6 feet from ground and average build up guy. He was dusky in complexion. He was working as software support executive. Though he was tall and average muscular guy still he was very down to earth and humble. Slowly when the day passed he also started looking at me and try to grab every single moment to catch my attention.

One day Priya showed me a screen shot where Srinath sent friend request to her on facebook. That was really heart wrenching moment for me. I abused Srinath and Priya from heart. Till the time Priya and I was not friends on facebook and next day of this incident Priya asked to send friend request to her. But I denied with reason that I never send friend request to anybody. And on Saturday I saw friend request from Priya. I kept that screen shot and two days later I accepted her request. Two weeks later on one Monday I got request from Srinath. I was very happy that this guy showed interest in me. I accepted.

On the next morning when I was working at my desk I got message on IM, an internal messaging system for employees within same organisation, from Srinath.

“R u in today?”

“Yes”

“I wanna meet you today. Can we?”

Goosebumps ran through my body with a thought of fear why he wanted to meet me suddenly. But I accepted proposal for 11 AM.

He was already waiting for me at a table at far right end of canteen when I went there.

“Hey!”

“Hello”

“Come sit” he said “how are you?”

“I am good and how about you?”

“I am good and thanks”

“Thanks for what?”

“For accepting my friend request and for coming here.” He said “would you like to have some tea?”

“A coffee will work better.”

“Wait here, let me bring the order for us.”

He came back with two steel glasses a coffee for me and a tea for himself. He sat in front of me and looked at me and then began to speak.

“Actually I noticed you many a times staring at me. Can I ask you why?”

“I also noticed the same so can I ask you the same why?”

“That’s not the answer to my question.”

“Yes I look at you because I have a reason. But I wanted to know your reason first.”

“Yes I do so, because I like you and want you in my life.” He said with lots of energy, courage, zeal and enthusiasm. ”Now your reason please.”

“I too want the same.”

The proposal and acceptance has been done. It is nothing but love at first sight and we started dating each other. He likes me lot and loves me lot and I too have the same feeling for him. Around a couple of week later Priya came to know that Srinath started lying with her and started avoiding her. Before meeting me he used to go out with her but suddenly he stopped. And finally the dooms day came, when volcano inside her blasted in canteen. But her anger doesn’t create any alteration among us, it created her bad image in front of Srinath, I and other people in canteen.

After her tantrum we went to floor. I neglected what all has happened and attempted to explain her, what all has happened and how. But she was not ready to hear me, as we were on floor I did not forced her, rather I came back to my desk. After few minutes I got an email from HR wherein they called me to HR meeting room along with my team lead, Priya, Srinath and his team lead. That email was escalated by Srinath and that was a complaint against Priya. She was booked under misbehavior, disrespecting individual, using abusive language, spying and some more charges. She was asked to resign immediately with immediate effect.

You are still there in my thoughts

You are still there in my thoughts, 
Still I can feel the warmth of your love, 
I can hear the rhythm of your heart, 
I can sense the closeness of yours. 
Though you stepped out from my room. 
You are still there in my thoughts. 

Want to live those moments back again, 

Which we spent together in the course of time,
We were we, now we became you and me. 
You are miles and miles apart from me, 
Though I can feel the warmth of your love. 

You are still there in my thoughts. 

Want to live your love back again,

I love the way you loved me,

Love the way you hold me in your arms,

Love the way you touch my lips with yours,

Though I can’t live the moments back again.

You are still there in my thoughts.

Want to feel your tender love again,

Want to get embraced in your arms again,

I can feel the passion of your devotion,

I still can feel the warmth of your love,

Though we are miles and miles apart.

You are still there in my thoughts.

Wanna love you as I loved u again,

Wanna be with as had ever before.

Wanna sleep in your cozy arms again,

I know we can’t live those moments back

Though I want to live them back again,

You are still there in my thoughts. 

You are still alive somewhere inside my soul,

You are close to me but you are still unseen,

You are not alive for this world but somewhere,

You are immortal within me for eternal time,

Our love & you may not be alive any more,

Though I want to fall in love with you again.

You are still there in my thoughts.

Holi

She was sitting at a corner in that in-house ground; poured in color and not playing Holi with anyone.

I, Rati, Anjali, Jaggu and few of our friends were at Anjali’s place to celebrate Holi. It’s around 1 in the afternoon and everybody was engrossed in throwing colors and teasing each other. Anjali lives in joint family and her house is huge like palace because all her relatives live in same house. And while celebrating any festival she and her cousins calls their friends at their house only.

I went to Rati and asked her “why you are not playing Holi?”

“Don’t talks to me go away!!!” she just shouted on me.

What was my fault? I only asked her why she is not playing Holi that’s it. That was not an offending question to react so much. I just sat next to her.

“I am sorry.” She mutters.

“It’s okay” I said “but why are you so angry?” I asked her.

“I don’t like somebody to pour color on me.” She said in rage.

“Oh!! That is the reason you are angry.” I said “you want to wash the color?” I asked her.

“Yes” she replied “but here it is not possible as too many people are here.”

“Would you like to come to my home?”

“How far it is?”

“Not more than 10 minutes.”

“Let me inform Anjali” she said. “Anjali…, Anjali….” She yelled for her.

“What happen? Why are you shouting?” Anjali shouted on her

“I am going to her place to wash this color.”

“But why? Everybody is playing Holi and you should join us.” Anjali said

“You know very well I do not like these colors.” Rati said

“It’s okay Anjali let her wash.” I said

“Fine Priya. But be careful she is notorious naughty.” Anjali said.

We then came to my house. She washed her colors and we were then having tea and watching TV. It’s around 3 pm.

“So why you do not like to play colors?” I asked her.

“Since childhood I don’t like and so I don’t.”

“I had a friend like you she also doesn’t like to play Holi. And her name is also Rati.” I said.

“You had a friend what do you mean?”

“We got separated after 9^th class and we never met till today.”

“Where she went then?”

“I heard that she shifted to Nagpur with her family but I don’t know.”

“Which school you from?”

“City Public School” I said “but why you are asking me so many things?”

“Because that’s me idiot!!!” she said zealously and she hugged me.

I too recalled all the memories and I couldn’t stop myself and I kissed her on lips and we engrossed in kisses and hugs…

“I missed you so much idiot… I love you”

“I love you too Rati, don’t leave me. Will you marry me?”

“Yes” and we were in each other’s arm and we started crying….

Cigarette

Somebody rang the bell…

I was on bed preparing my project report. My mobile was next to me, some news was going on. I keep TV on just because it keeps me awake. It was around 6 in the evening some red-orange light was still there on my bed.

I was thinking to go out for smoke. And the doorbell rang again. I jumped off from my bed and opened the door. It was a wonder beyond that Neeraj was on door.

“Hey what happened?” I enquired.

“Can I get 110 packs of cigarette the brand you buy?”

I thought for a while that how he came to know that I have stock of cigarette.  Neeraj was a shopkeeper just opposite to my room. He has a small shop of daily need products. He was good looking guy, average built up, stands around six feet from ground and a graduation pass out three year back.

“But I am not a shopkeeper; I don’t have so many packs of cigarette.”

“Don’t gag Prashant, I know you have my neighbor told me, she do cleaning at your house.”

Now I was not left with any excuse and have to accept that yes I have packs.

“Okay, but why you want so many packs now?”

“I got an order of 150 packs from a customer for their party and I have only 40 packs so I thought let me take them from you.” He said “but I wanted to know when you do not smoke then why you buy?” He completed.

“Because I like you and it gives me a chance to see you and meet you and to talk to you.” I replied.

I generally buy a pack of cigarette and stay at his shop, talking to him for hours and hours, sometimes about his studies, sometimes about life, sometimes about news.

“Then why you never told me this, idiot” he said “I like you too…” he completed and took me in his arms without taking my permission and I couldn’t resist him. I was feeling like as if I got everything and I embraced him too. We were at door steps without caring about anybody we were in each other’s arms, holding more and more firmly… 

No more I was left...

I can able to hear those loud raps on the door of my flat…. Too many times doorbell ranged….

I wanted to open the door but I wasn’t. 

The fan is now acting like a hot air blower.  

My two fishes were rested in peace in that ashy water and rest were about to settle down on floor…

I was on bed stoned, staring the ceiling of my organized room. Water less eyes with some water mark on cones. There were hundreds of unattended calls and messages...

Some ants were crawling on my body and some flies were presenting their opera..

I then thought lets go back to open the door but I couldn’t did so. I rather, peeped out from that door to see who all were there on the other side. I saw my neighbors, building secretory, my landlord and some cops were there outside the door. Tremors of fear ran down through my veins, I was thinking what they are going to do now...

Mr. Philip presented the keys to the cop and a sergeant opened the door… the whole flat was full of my odor and I was lying on bed in my bedroom. They all kept sniffers on their faces and moved into my bedroom. Everything was well organized but organizer was passed away… I was dead. No more desire and no more I was left…

Hi Readers,

I started this blog to give an insight about the life of those people who are the integral part of our society but we think they do not exists or their existence is sin. 
I am working with and for those minority people and I proud that I am the part of this minority.
It is not very common in India that a guy is loving a guy or a girl is loving a girl. This is always taken as offence and were never accepted so far. There are few case where such acceptations have been done and wholeheartedly done. But there were many rejections too and we cannot ignore this. We also, cannot ignore this fact that they are the integral part of society. 
Here, the minority about which I am talking is "Homosexual People".  It is never borne by choice o but it is by birth. They too have equal rights to live and enjoy there life. Cherish there dreams and love with someone of there choice.
From now on wards I will try my best to explain what is Homosexuality and other aspects of this life. 
You can follow me on facebook as:


https://www.facebook.com/mayank7725